Who was your first crush they asked?
I blushed and smiled.
Thinking about him and the feeling my tiny heart felt makes my heart skip a beat even today.
He was my brother’s friend, I reply with a sly grin as I try to hide my slowly turning crimson cheeks and looked towards the ground as I begin to narrate my story.
My brother is a year elder to me and he would often come to play with him. He was ten and I was nine. I don’t remember when I actually told myself I had a crush on him but my constant need to know his whereabouts made me realize that this was something different. I still remember smiling that smile when he was around and admiring his spiked hair and brown trousers. The same smile I have on right now.
The next time I saw him was in a music CD. He was in a band. His vocals were amazing. He had a hand warmer in one of his arms. I and my friends had him nicknamed ‘warmers’ for the longest time after that. I smiled that smile again.
Third time, I actually met him in person. Only to realize later I would regret everything about that night. Don’t get me wrong, he was still amazing. It just happened to be one of those nights when nothing seemed to go right. A night when my sixteen year old brain just did’t work. I only hoped he forgave me for all the trouble.
Four years later, one cold winter evening I happen to bump into him. By then we were friends on social media so greeting him came naturally (but of course I was flushed inside). He greeted me back and that night we happen to exchange numbers. The days following were the days when we actually had proper conversations about life and music and family and God but by then we were already in our twenties and we had somehow both created our own little world , different from each other.
Well, fast forward to today, he still looks amazing and still sings amazingly. I also get to see him sometimes and I still like to smile that smile.
I have promised myself that the next time I see him I would give that smile, to him.
Will he see me ?
Love,
Kilang
catchsomelove 